How to NOT piss a judge off?

Just be respectful. Don't put up a front. Be respectful. Let him have his way. Don't disagree with anything he/she says. If you want him/her to come over to your side, ask the judge to "Take Judicial Notice", that .... That's giving the judge a compliment. The term "Judicial Notice" acknowledges that the judge automatically knows and agrees with your point. MOREOVER, try to get a feel for the judges political point of view. Like ... Liberal or Conservative. Or if the judge is a middle of the roader. This determines how the judge is going to interpret the Law. This is how people came up with the term "Legislate from the Bench " (changing the law to say what the judge wants it to say)". Like some judges may say one thing and some may order another thing.